Posts Tagged ‘Friends’

The Diner: Meet Lloyd

Saturday, September 4th, 2010

Lloyd would have to be my all time favorite customer at the Diner. Not only because he has faithfully dined in my section the longest, but because I also have a little crush on him.

When I first started working at the Diner, he and his wife would come in every morning for the early-bird breakfast special. From 5:30am to 7:00am each week day, you could get: “Two eggs, toast and coffee for $2.10.”

They would share one and rotate who got the coffee – odd man out drank water. They did this 4-5 days a week. Sure, they afford to order more, but that was enough to fill them up and it was their morning routine. One would think that after a lifetime of waking up early every day to go to work and raise their family that when they finally did get the chance to retired they would slowed down a little bit. But no, not these two. They had to be nearly 100 each, yet they were two of the most active people I had ever met. Plus, who am I to just them if they choose to wake up before the rooster crowed just to come visit me. I didn’t mind. They were friendly and easy, and they brought me new jokes, and even though their daily tab only totaled $2.25 with tax, they always left me 5-bucks. Not to mention, they were the cutest and coolest couple I had ever met!

They were quite the picture too, this adorable couple that had already spent over 60-years together. She was a elegant Southern lady, who always matching from head to toe. She even had purses and shoes to match every outfit. Yes ma’am, right down to her eye glasses, she would match.

Lloyd, however, was a mess. He was a lanky man, tall and thin. He wore round, wire-framed eye glasses and odd hats. An avid golfer, he was known for his wild shoes and crazy colored pants. The bad part about Lloyd’s wardrobe was he like to pair these funky pants up with crazy shirts, which never matched. Then – to top it all off – even though we live in the Sunshine State, where the average temperature is above 80-degrees, he would add a heavy, hand-knitted vest on top, which also DID NOT match his ensemble. You could say he liked to mix it up a bit. Like the “King of the Clowns” with his “Dutches.”

I thought he was cute, and his dear little misses didn’t seem to mind the attention her husband drew. Carol Ann and I – my partner in crime at the Diner – LOVED them both, because they gave us something to talk about after their visits each day, for the rest of our day.

They were the kind of couple that you couldn’t help but fall in love with. They were HAPPY and deeply in LOVE. They inspired me and made me hope that I could share half as many wonderful years with my husband as they had all ready shared together- especially seeing they had been married longer than either of us had even been alive. WOW!

Over the years, we shared our stories. They got to hear all my tales and meet my family during their occasional run ins with them at the Diner, and I learned all about their fascinating adventures. How they both came from large families, sharing 16 siblings combined – seven on his side and nine on hers – with few on either side still living. Then, how they both worked hard in rough times, when “Modern Technology” was still considered “Science Fiction.”

Not to mention, they raised 7 children of their own, which started a family tree that now branches out to: 23 grandchildren, 19 great-grandchildren and 4 great-great-grandchildren.

**

The first time I met the couple, they had come into the Diner, but they weren’t sitting in my section. They were my co-worker Carol Ann’s regulars, because they liked to sit against the window and look out into the early morning darkness. As I walked passed their table from my section, she called out “Janice.”

I didn’t respond. I had no idea she was even speaking to me. My name’s not Janice. So I kept going on my way. A little while later when the couple was leaving, again we crossed paths, but this time, she reached out and touched my arm before saying, “Janice.”

“Sweety, are you asking me if my name is Janice?” I asked.

“No, sugar pie. But you look a lot like my Janice,” she said.

“Your Janice,” I repeated.

“My Janice,” she said again as she reached for a large, gold locket that hung from a chain around her neck. Inside the beautiful charm was a rather old photograph of a young woman that very much resembled me – her baby sister that had passed a very long time ago. And from that moment on, she was my new BFF! Unfortunately, making best friends with very old woman can end up very sad.

One day, Lloyd came in on a Monday morning and he was all alone. I joked with him about not having a half order of the Early Bird Special, before asking where was the little misses? Although I had never served him alone, I didn’t think much about it. Until all of a sudden I saw the terror in his face and his eyes began to swell up quickly. I felt the biggest lump begin to swell up I my own throat, as I mustarded up enough courage to say, “Is momma sleeping in today?”

To which he replied without hesitation, “No, sweetie, she passed over the weekend.”

Shocked, tears just poured down my cheeks. I felt so bad. I had to walk away. I politely excuse myself and ran towards the bathroom. But not before motioning Carol Ann to follow me.“Oh, my God,” I cried. “His wife died. She died over the weekend and now he is here – without her. Please go check on him while I try to get myself together?”

She tried to comfort me and promised to go take care of him for me. She too was fond of them. They were her regular customers way before I ever started serving them. She just wasn’t as emotional as I am, so she thought she could handle it better. She was wrong, though. Because when I finally did compose myself enough to leave the ladies room and go back to work, she too was all ready weeping. Yes, hearing our dear sweet friend refer to his dear sweet wife as his now dearly beloved, was too much for even her.

So, Carol Ann and I vowed to look after him. We both managed to hold it together long enough to give him our phone numbers, with the promise to be available if he ever needed us for anything. Luckily, though, because he did create such a large close knit family there were plenty of kin to care for him, and they all came quickly and willingly. They were also very pleased to know that their parents had so many dear friends and acquaintances.

Nearly 7-years later, at the ripe old age of 98, Lloyd still drives himself to the Diner for an occasional visit. Sure, we pray for him and everyone who has the misfortune of being on the road while he is behind the wheel, but we believe his angel is watching over. And sure, it may take him 15-minutes to walk the 15-steps it takes to get from his parking spot to the entrance of the building, but he does it on his own, and we are happy for the chance to see him. Even other regular customers at the Diner regularly ask about him and how he is doing.

We used to have a running joke at the Diner about how, if we really wanted to make him feel special we would serve orange marmalade with our breakfasts. (Because grape, strawberry and mixed fruit flavored jams weren’t good enough for him.) “Orange Marmalade would be wonderful with my morning toast,” he’d say.

To which I would reply, “That’s what you got mamma for, my friend.”

And then his wife would say, “I have Marmalade at home for you.”

I never will forget either of them. and since then, we’ve not only added a “One-egg-one -piece-of-toast-and-coffee-ever-other-time-I-see-you special” to the breakfast menu, but I also keep a jar of orange marmalade in the fridge, just for him, in case he needs reminding of how special he really is!

Serving is my LIFE because of men and women like these. You can’t imagine how COOL it is just to know them! :-)

To Get to ME!

Monday, August 30th, 2010

If you are trying to reach Funny Server and cannot get your comment through, please email me at www.Funyserver@gmail.com I would LOVE to hear from you. Sometimes things get lost and other times I accidentally lose them. SO. this is really the BEST way to reach me.

Remember though, I am here all alone. The only help I have is my daughters, and they are 9 and 14-years old. Be kind. Be patient, and I promise if you want to get a response from me all you have to do is ask. Just don’t make it a technical question like “Why can ‘t I get you on my Blackberry?” (Which I believe is a very high tech cell-phone) because again I will not be able to help you. I am her to make you giggle, How I get into your computer is way beyond me!

Thanks bunches for stopping in and I hope you laugh a lot! :-)

Giggles are ALWAYS good.

Man of the House

Monday, August 23rd, 2010

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, “You Can Be The Man Of Your House.”

He storms into the kitchen and walks directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he says sternly, “From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex I want. After that, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my hair and towel me dry. You will bring me my robe. Then you will massage my feet and hands. Then after that’s done, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?”

“The friggin’ funeral director would be my best guess,” his wife replies.

www.strategicbookpublishing.com/servingupsomefunnyhtml

The Diner: Kissy

Sunday, August 22nd, 2010

When I first started working at the Diner, lucky for me, Kissy was on vacation. Once every year, he and his family would travel as far north as they’d ever been – Jacksonville, Florida – to participate in some kind of “CRAZY BIG” Flea Market/Antique Fair. It was the only seven days a year he ever missed work, unless on the rare occasion that someone actually died.

Titled “Head Dishwasher,” mainly because he was the only full-time dishwasher, Kissy was known as the Boss Lady’s “pet.”

A native of Florida, Kissy was a true Southern cracker. As back woods as they come, he was also as clever as a fox, as strong as an ox and as loyal as a little boy’s puppy. The Boss Lady loved him with all her heart, and she treated him like he was family. She was also the only one at the Diner that could calm him down once he got into one of his MOODS. Every once in a while, for absolutely no reason, Kissy would snap. It could be at a co-worker or a customer, it could be with the service guy dropping off our soda delivery or the produce man asking where to put the case of tomatoes.You never knew what would trigger it. But, everyone at the Diner knew how to fix it lickedy split. Just call in “The Mrs.”

Kissy had worked for the family for decades. He worked his regular hours at the Diner and he and his mom ran a thrift store that the owners of the Diner also owned. Any free time Kissy managed to find, which wasn’t much, he would spend going to garage and estate sales and checking through every local advertisement he could find. He drove an old beat up van that looked like a homeless person lived in it, which he used to cart all the stuff he bought and sold from one place to another. Not to mention, the outside of his 20-year old vehicle screamed “WASH ME!Mainly because Kissy lived somewhere out in “Nowheresville.”

Kissy’s family had their mail delivered to a P.O Box within the city limits, basically because they lived where no man should reside, in an unincorporated area of the county that is not represented by MODERN TECHNOLOGY more or less postal service. Seriously. To get from the Diner to Kissy’s home, the property his family has owned since before the Civil War, you first get to drive on a normal paved US Highway. Then to a paved county road, before you get to a gravel road, which leads to a dirt road, to a narrower dirt road that guides you to the painted rock that marks the red sand road you have to turn onto to get to Kissy’s road. And then, you still have to drive through the woods in the sand with no signs of life and no phone service for at least another mile or so before you get to his property line.

Yeah. Too much for this Jersey girl. I never really hung out in the woods up north even as a child, so I definitely don’t see myself opting to live somewhere out in the Florida forest. For real, I am a firm believer that it is better to be shot in the head by a total stranger on a paved street than taken hostage by some woodsy to be his new pet.

So, I was hired at the Diner on Kissy’s first day off. The Mrs. hired me that morning, and because I had so much experience and availability, she basically handed me a menu and a book of guest checks and a told me to try my best in section FOUR, which was the slowest section in the restaurant. I had been waitressing since I was a child, I had just never served breakfast. It seemed easy. It was all about keeping coffee hot and getting customers in and out quick. Early mornings were all about feeding them and getting them back on their way so they could get to work on time.

My first week of four shifts, I thought went pretty well, especially seeing I really never received any formal training. They just threw me in and I ran with it. Carol Ann, my new best buddy, my Jersey girl, was the Diner’s veteran opening server, so I knew I always had someone to turn to if I needed help. Everyone seemed friendly enough. Sure they made fun of my “Jersey accent,” but they had been razzing Carol Ann about hers for years. I didn’t mind, I’d been picked on for worse by my own peeps.

So, it’s the first day of my second week at the Diner. I entered the restaurant looking a bit frazzled, holding my apron in one hand and my purse in the other and barely holding on to either. “I almost over slept,” I said to Carol Ann as I dropped my stuff down on the table at a booth the employees used. “This morning stuff is going to kill me.”

I reached for a large Styrofoam cup and began to concoct my NEW morning medicine. I poured in some chocolate milk and some hot, fresh brewed coffee, before I added 5, 6, 7 swirls of sugar. Oh, how good it is, I thought. I was never one to drink coffee, but then again I am also not a morning person. Something had to change. Coffee seemed to work. It was FREE. It tasted REALLY GOOD. And, it’s LEGAL! What could be better?

I took my first gulp and as I did I swung around quickly without any thought and I twirled right into this rather large, kind of scary looking, really hairy man. Oh my God, this poor guy was now not only wearing the coffee I just tossed at him from my cup, but he was also wearing the mouthful that I spit at him, when he scared the living crap out of me.

I never knew anyone was even standing behind me. How could he get that close to me without me even sensing he was there? “Oh my,” I said as I watched my back-wash drip down his face.

Speechless and extremely uncomfortable, I managed to blurt out, “I am so sorry…I can’t believe I just…”

Unaffected, the man wiped his face with the back of his hand and very oddly licked it off. GROSS! I thought, but before I could say another word, Carol Ann walked over, surveyed the mess and said, “Kissy, meet the new girl.”

www.strategicbookpublishing.com/servingupsomefunnyhtml

Sack Lunches

Sunday, August 8th, 2010

Thank you Richard T. Fryer

I put my carry-on in the luggage compartment and sat down in my assigned seat. It was going to be a long flight. “I’m glad I have a good book to read. Perhaps I will get a short nap,” I thought.

Just before take-off, a line of soldiers came down the aisle and filled all the vacant seats, totally surrounding me. I decided to start a conversation.Where are you headed?” I asked the soldier seated nearest to me.

Petawawa. We’ll be there for two weeks for special training, and then we’re being deployed to Afghanistan”

After flying for about an hour an announcement was made that sack lunches were available for five dollars. It would be several hoursbefore we reached the east, and I quickly decided a lunch would help pass the time.

As I reached for my wallet, I overheard a soldier ask his buddy if heplanned to buy lunch. “No, that seems like a lot of money for just a sack lunch. Probably wouldn’t be worth five bucks. I’ll wait till we get to base.”

His friend agreed.

I looked around at the other soldiers. None were buying lunch so I walked to the back of the plane and handed the flight attendant a fifty dollar bill. “Take a lunch to all those soldiers.” She grabbed my arms and squeezed tightly. Her eyes wet with tears, she thanked me.

My son was a soldier in Iraq, and it’s almost like you are doing it for him.”

Picking up ten sacks, she headed up the aisle to where the soldiers were seated. She stopped at my seat and asked, “Which do you like best beef or chicken?”

Chicken,” I replied, wondering why she asked.

She turned and went to the front of plane, returning a minute later with a dinner plate from first class.This is yours, thanks.”

After we finished eating, I went again to the back of the plane, heading for the rest room. A man stopped me. “I saw what you did. I want to be part of it. Here, take this.” He handed me twenty-five dollars.

Soon after I returned to my seat. I saw the Flight Captain coming down the aisle looking at the aisle numbers as he walked. I hoped he was not looking for me, but noticed he was looking at the numbers only on my side of the plane. When he got to my row he stopped, smiled, held out his hand and said, “I want to shake your hand.”

Quickly unfastening my seatbelt I stood and took the Captain’s hand. With a booming voice he said, “I was a soldier and I was a military pilot. Once, someone bought me a lunch. It was an act of kindness I never forgot.”

I was embarrassed when applause was heard from all of the passengers.

Later I walked to the front of the plane so I could stretch my legs. A man who was seated about six rows in front of me reached out his hand, wanting to shake mine. He left another twenty-five dollars in my palm.
When we landed I gathered my belongings and started to deplane. Waiting just inside the airplane door was a man who stopped me, put something in my shirt pocket, turned, and walked away without saying a word. Another twenty-five dollars!

Upon entering the terminal, I saw the soldiers gathering for their trip to the base. I walked over to them and handed them seventy-five dollars. “It will take you some time to reach the base. It will be about time for a sandwich. God Bless You.”

Ten young men left that flight feeling the love and respect of their fellow travelers. As I walked briskly to my car, I whispered a prayer for their safe return. These soldiers were giving their all for our country. I could
only at least give them a couple of meals.

A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to “The United States of America for an amount of up to and including my life.”

Can’t Fix Stupid

Thursday, July 29th, 2010

Thank you Sammy

Recently, while in a fast food chain, I saw on the menu that I could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 chicken nuggets. I asked for a half dozen. “We don’t have half dozens,” said the teenaged girl working at the counter.

“You don’t?” I replied.

“We only have six, nine and twelve,” she said.

“So I can’t order half dozen nuggets, but I can order 6?”

“That’s right,” she answered with a smile.

I shook my head and ordered six nuggets.

A lady at work was seen putting her credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out quickly. When I inquired what she was doing, she said, “She was shopping on the internet, and they kept asking for her credit card number. So, she was using the ATM thingy.”

Once, I was in a car dealership when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like it had gone through a “Twister.” I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the “cruise control” and then went in the back to eat a sandwich.

My neighbor worked in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field called him when they had problems with their computers. One night, he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had a question: “I’ve got smoke coming from the back of my terminal,” she said. “Do you guys have a fire downtown?”

Police interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to the photocopy machine. The message: “He is lying” was placed in the copier, and the police pressed the copy button each time they thought he wasn’t telling the truth. Believing the “Lie Detector” was working, the suspect confessed.

www.strategicbookpublishing.com/servingupsomefunnyhtml

Ice Fishing

Saturday, July 24th, 2010

Thank you Sean from Hopatcong, NJ

Murphy and O’Brian are at a bar one day and decide they want to go ice fishing.  So they gather up their gear and head out.  They pick a spot and start drilling a hole in the ice when they hear a disembodied say, “There are no fish beneath the ice”.  

Murphy and O’Brian are scared so they move to another spot on the ice and start drilling a new hole.  Once again they hear the disembodied voice say, “There are no fish beneath the ice”.  

Murphy then falls to his knees and calls out…”Is that you my lord”.  

And the disembodied voice replies, “No…I’m the rink announcer!”

www.strategicbookpublishing.com/servingupsomefunnyhtml

FOR THE TROOPS

Tuesday, July 20th, 2010

AEG AUTHORS – WON’T YOU SHOW YOUR SUPPORT!

I am collecting book donations to send to our troops. My WONDERFUL marketing team at Strategic Book Publishing has all ready made a sizeable contribution, so how about you make a small one.

If you are interested in donating copies of your book to be sent with our TEENS FOR TROOPS program - sponsored by the Leesburg Florida Library’s summer youth program, please contact me at funyserver@gmail.com.  or write to your marketing coach and find out how you can get involved.

Help show how much we here at home appreciate their dedication to keeping us safe. Ship an autographed copy of your work to our soldiers. I did, and it feels GREAT!  :-)

http://strategicbookpublishing.com/servingupsomefunnyhtml

I Am Blessed

Saturday, July 17th, 2010

I am BLESSED! It is now official. The wisest of the Wise’s has spoken. She has charted me out, and I believe her words are true. She has showed me a sign. She has given me a method to approach my life without criticizing my own actions, without questioning my own emotions and most of all without wasting my own energy.

I do have a purpose. My path has been marked. I am meant to do what comes naturally. I am proud of my life. I am grateful for my family. I appreciate what I have. I enjoy the comforts of my home. I openly invite others – both friends and strangers – to share my time. I know I have been given a gift to share now all I need is someone to share it with.

Simply put, I believe in fairy tales and being a kid at heart. I live in a world of sunshine and rainbows, where unicorns do exist and giggles echo everywhere.

Yeah…YUKE! I get that too. My logical-headed “Prince Charming” reminds me every day and has for over 18-years that I LIVE IN A BUBBLE!  Honestly, I do not mind. I’m happy there and I have LOTS of friends. So even if it does upset you to know that me and my little friends really do exist, please don’t go ruining our parade. Just ignore us and we’ll eventually move on. Be careful though if you are around me and my buddies for too long you might actually find yourself smiling and then laughing, before you admit to somehow feeling better than you did a few minutes prior.

Weird right? Not really, because laughter is like that. One minute you’re feeling all tired or bored or on the border line of pissed off, when all of a sudden something happens. Someone tells you a joke or an odd story and for some reason it touches you. It helps you – for that moment – escape your own life and find comfort in someone else’s tale. Letting you walk away a bit happier than you were, and maybe just maybe, a little more hopeful.

Don’t be a bubble popper. Laughter is good. Try it sometimes, and when you are finished enjoying your GOOD LAUGH pass it on…and on…and on.

Help me make the giggles echo. Laugh on. Peace out. :-)

www.strategicbookpublishing.com/servingupsomefunnyhtml

Intro to The Diner

Sunday, June 27th, 2010

For over 15-years, Carol Ann has been employed at the Diner. She started working for the family when the Diner was downtown, and she followed them when they relocated. Known as a locals’ spot, the Diner serves a lot of people from all around the world. Strangers stop in regularly, but regulars come in daily – sometimes even more than once a day. They come in during the early morning for coffee and breakfast on their way out, and then they stop back for a quick lunch or to get take-out for dinner later.

It’s hard not to get personal with your customers when you see them every day. I mean really, they come in and sit in the same booth. They order (if you even let them speak) the same food every day. They want the same beverage and all of the same little extras that only a seasoned server could understand, like: only grape jelly, sugar-free syrup, no lettuce on the plate, etc.etc.

Sure it’s all comfy cozy when you are part of the pack, but when you’re a “new-comer” good luck. Small town American diners will eat you up. I don’t care how much experience you have in the hospitality business, working corporate restaurants is one thing, but waitressing in a mom & pop, neighborhood diner is a whole other story. Especially when you are the first person to be hired at the establishment in over 5-years for any position. That’s a lot of pressure to shine. It was hard enough that I am a Jersey girl in a small town in Lake County Florida, but working for and with all true southern natives, I thought I was going to get hung up merely because of the way I said “CAWFEE.”

Luckily, for me, Carol Ann is also a Jersey girl, and oddly enough she came from right near where I grew up. Amazing, here we were, in South “nowhereville,” and we both come from the same town of North “nowhereville.” What are the odds of that? IMMEDIATELY we have tons to talk about. We did hang out at all the same places, shopped at the same stores, knew several of the same people, lived less than 10-miles away from each other, yet we had never met in the 20+ years we were both up there. Too weird. On the other hand, it was GREAT for me now, because now I not only had a new hometown friend here in Florida, but I also had an in at the Diner.  Just like a big sista, I knew Carol Ann would protect me. Carol Ann seemed thrilled to have an ally. Up until now she was the token “Yankee,” and although the razzing was always friendly, she was excited to have someone to help bash back. Plus, we could share stories about home and tell stories about everyone around us. You know, someone to gossip with about co-workers and customers.

So little by little Carol Ann caught me up on all the ins and outs that went on at the Diner. The Who’s Who of everyone. I have to admit, though, the more I learned the more I was grateful that I was that “dam Yankee” they all kept fussing about, ‘cause that meant I wasn’t bred locally. Bonus point for me!

Don’t get me wrong, I love my home. I am proud to be a registered voter, tax payer and homeowner in Lake County, Florida, I’m just saying New Jersey has a whole different kind of weird-o than you find down south. Thanks to Carol Ann, my new job came with footnotes and customer descriptions, what more could a “New-be” ask for. 

And so our tales begin…

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